Forgiveness...not the easiest thing to learn

This will be a little bit of a different blog post than I usually do. Very few know that I have this blog and then a private blog that I write under a whole different name and just write more of a "journal" if you will. I'm deciding that I might just make this blog a little of both..with that being said, I will not care to discuss anything I may write about if you get the impression that I wrote it just to vent. ;) Thanks for understanding.


So, now on to the reason for this post. I have been doing a lot of evaluating my life and trying to see what are some things that I do/don't do that may keep me from being the happiest I can be. One of the main things that I keep coming back to is forgiveness. That one word probably has been the hardest thing for me over the last 6 years or so. I'm not writing this post to blame or anything of the sort..just want to share my journey somewhat and then show appreciation. I am not going into personal details of my marriage but I will say that forgiveness is something I prayed for for a long time. I was so angry, hurt, confused, sad and a million different emotions, but the one thing I wanted was to be able to forgive certain people and move on with my life. I found that being all of those other emotions took more out of me than I even realized. Holding grudges and blaming others for your own happiness or sadness takes more work than just forgiving them. Now I know, that is a lot easier said than done. :) Trust me, I know. Forgiveness takes a lot of work but it is so worth it in the long run. I forgave the people I needed to and that in turn, has made my life a much happier place. Don't get me wrong, I still have moments where I feel the anger starting to come back when I think of the what could have beens (not with any certain person, just situations) but then I feel like it truly was a blessing. I will forever be grateful to my ex for the beautiful daughter we have and the friendship we still have. We don't always see eye to eye, but I know without a doubt that if I ever needed anything they (yes they!) would be there. When I say they, I am also appreciative of my ex's girlfriend. I was angry at her for a long time too...how could I ever be friendly with someone I "thought" helped ruin my life? Now I know that she too is someone I am grateful for. Forgiveness in that situation turned into gratitude. I am thankful to her that she is there when I can't be. I know without a doubt that whenever my child is with her and her dad, that she will be taken care of. I also know that she will treat my daughter like she's her own and she has never tried to overstep my role as Emma's mom and her role as one day, Emma's step mom. :) This post was something I needed to write more for myself than anyone else. I hope that if someone else reading this is in a similar situation that this will help. If you are reading this and want to talk, I'm here. Whether we are friends or not....I will listen. So, I guess my post on forgiveness is more likely a post about my journey to appreciation. Appreciation for the struggles I went through that taught me to forgive others, but more importantly, to forgive myself and allow myself to experience true happiness in whatever form it may be.


*I must add, I do not ever re-read my blog posts. I am afraid I won't post them if I do. So I apologize in advance for any grammar, spelling or other errors. :) And I also hope that those reading these see these posts for what they are and nothing more*